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31October2000 - Hello everyone! I know that it has been awhile since you last heard from me, SORRY! I have just been busy with a few things that updating this homepage has been the last thing on my list. But now I have just a few mins in my busy schedule to tell you the 411 on wut has been going on with me. HMMM--I have cut down on the partying...so all of you that thought that was the only thing that I do, not it's not. I also have been keeping up with the studies. I never knew how much work it was till I finally sat down and did it. Yes "munchkin" is actually getting her act together. Over the past couple of months, I have had alot of DRAMA going on, I'm not gonna bother you with all that so -- I did meet someone. Yes it was when I was out partying...the few times that I actually do that now a days. His name is Joe...I met him at the bar and he basically just walked up to me...and we have been talking since. He lives in EP so I really don't get to see him that often, but he did come here to LC to take me out. We went to dinner (if you can call it that) then he took me to the movies where we watched "BEDAZZELED" I don't recommend you watch it. I really wasn't too happy about the movie. but hey you can't get too upset seeing as how I did get in for free.
I guess I will tell you about the drama. Here it goes -- recently I was in a relationship with this guy, but he ended up treating me like $#!T so I kicked him to the crub. A girl doesn't deserve that. The way I saw it, is why should I hang out with a guy let alone be with one that makes me feel bad! Am I right?!? Then I have drama with my roommate. I'm basically stuck in the middle of her and this guy she met from Albuquerque. Well let's just say that things really didn't seem to work out with them, and I find it hard to talk to the guy cuz he did say that we will be friends, but how can you be friends with an ex knowing he knows that you know things that he doesn't. So basically there is tension between them. My roommate isn't trying to explain her side of the story...she would rather have people talk about her...and say things rather then getting the story straight. Basically she is trying to avoid the situation all together. I can't really blame her, but if she keeps running from situations like this, then basically she is gonna be running for the rest of her life. To make a long story short, she met a new guy and well they are cute together, but I'm not sure how you would classify their relationship. They both have others on the side...so I guess I will just see wut happens.
Then other guy problem that I have is this one guy says that he wants to be my "clyde"...I really don't think so. He had a relationship with one of my friends (kinda a friend). And he automatically thinks that I'm gonna get with him? I don't think so...I don't function that way. I would never get with a guy that one of my friends have been with. To me it just feels wrong. No guy is worth ruining a friendship...**sorry guys** Don't get me wrong, this guy is cute, but just not for me. I thin he thinks I'm like my roommate...which I'm NOT!! WE are total OPPOSITES, but get along really well. So basically that was my drama...well the highlights of it. I don't feel it is necessary to get into detail. LateS!!
28June2000 - Living life as usual. Seeing as how it is summer and all, I really haven’t been doing much of anything…you know the except for the usual. Still jobless, but that’s okay. I’m not in any rush. As I see it if I did get one, then how would I get there? Ever since my brother-in-law and sister got here…the car privileges have changed hands. Not that I care or anything…but it would be nice to get out every once in awhile w/o waiting for dad or Trin to get home. I can’t believe this...I’m blood and I still have second choice. I guess that is the way it’s gonna be…and by the looks of it, I’m not gonna get the car when I go back to school just for this reason. I’m not complaining…well yes I am, but still.
if you have been wondering about my life…it’s been good. I’m enjoying the fact that I don’t have to wake up early in the morning to go to work but at the same time I feel trapped. Even though I have this feeling…the one person that always makes me feel better is the guy I’m hollain’ at. Well it is going both ways. Only problem is he is back in LC and I’m here. But soon enough I will be back in LC and I guess I will just have to see wut will happen next. But at the same time, I’m also putrid about this one chick. She thinks that she can tell me how to run my life…and that this summer so I should be w/ as many guys I can get with…I don’t think so. I don’t work that way…and I don’t intend to be that way anytime soon. $#!t, she’s doing it and well it is getting her into a lot of trouble. I still can’t believe that she is messin’ with 3 guys…and neither one of them know it. Not to mention she is the one doing the chasing. The guys don’t call her or return her calls, and then you must know that something is wrong. Then maybe he doesn’t want to be with you so you should just give it up right? Well that is the way I see it. Do any of you other people agree with me on this?
10June2000 - It is about two in the morning and I never felt so alone as I do right now. I don’t know what to do. All these thoughts running through my head. I can’t seem to think straight anymore. There is no use in calling out for help…noone can hear me anyways. There is no use in running cuz it will catch up to me in the end. I can’t hide from it cuz it is always gonna be there in the back of my mind. I just want someone to listen. I want someone to hear me and understand what it is I’m going through. What if there really is no point to all of this. This world is made up of two kinds of people….those that are your friends through the think and thin…the ones that have been by your side and will continue to be there as long as you need them. And those that pretend to be friends. As soon as trouble happens or anything out of the ordinary happens, they bail on you. They are no longer your friends…those people that are jes there for the good moments so they can say that they were apart of your life and they had an impact. That is all BS!!
I have to admit, I’m not perfect myself, but atleast I’m honest to myself. How many of you can say that about yourself…I mean TRULY say it! I will no longer be a victim for everyone to step on. I’m tired of being pushed around. I’m tired of everyone thinking that I can’t so anything cuz I’m too short….or…I look too much like a schoolgirl. I have a little news flash for you. I have done some crazy things in my life…and I’m happy that I have done them too. Cuz I have lived…I have been to the edge jes about to fall over…and what a thrill it was.
I don’t want to do this anymore…I don’t want to play anymore games. That is what life basically is…jes a bunch of fools running around playing CHILDISH games. When are these games gonna stop…maybe never. We are who we are cuz SOCIETY made us this way. We are who we are cuz our friends want us to be a certain way. We are who we are cuz our parents and the morals and lessons they taught us while growing up.
Why are the ones that really cares are the ones that get screwed in the end? No matter haw hard you try to be nice…and say polite things, those ones that are brutal are the ones that come out ahead. Why does everything seem to revolve around material things? What is it about petty objects that make us so in "aww" of another. It’s not like having that object is gonna make the world a better place. Why does everyone think that they are a "playa", when we all know that the only way that they could possibly get laid is if it came from their own hands or possibly another sex toy.
I don’t know…I feel like I’m having A NERVIOUS BREAKDOWN!!
3June2000 - Still jobless...hehe. Parents asking when I'm gonna find a job...I will eventually. So far things have been good. I met the neighbors and 2 of the girls asked me to call them so we can go out. I did call them once, but the plans fell through. I am now getting on my parents nerves and they are getting on mine too. I really need to get out of here for atleast the weekend. Knowing my parents like I do, I know they will not approve of it, but hey, I have been on my own for 2 years now...so you would think they would trust me right?!
19May2000 - Another sememster has past. Two more years to go. So close to entering the real world, it's kinda scary. But I know wut yall really want to hear. "How have you been spending your year?" Okay here it goes. The day that I met my roommate, I knew that my sophomore year was gonna be a blast. The year started off with Kasei, Julio, Chris, Eddie, and I went to Juarez. That nite was really the first nite i met the "boys". I can say that I had a great time...then before I knew it we were drinking almost everynite. Good times! Then sometime second semester I got into the rave scene and that was fun too. I attended a couple of raves, and danced the nite away until one of the raves got busted bad. and a friend of mine died...it wasn't cuz of the rave...rather the effects of something else. That made me really think about my life and how something like that can really open ones eyes. Seeing as how the rave scene was out for me, I spent most of the time w/ Chris (ex now). We spent weekends together, until i found out that he was hiding something...or maybe it was vice versa?!? After my little thing with Chris, I guess you can say I went back to the books. Then Laura came along and we started hanging out...and once again I was drinking. Such a CRAZY year, and I have no regrets with the things that I have done. Hey as the old saying goes..."You only live once, so live it to its fullest!"